thePasquino.com

#Extraterrestrial Interest

When Alien Threats Fall Short – Literally!

In an out-of-this-world twist on the age-old story of alien invasion, life as we know it seems destined for destruction as extraterrestrials finally made their grand entrance. However, surprisingly, they weren't armed with death rays or advanced weapon systems. Instead, they were armed with just… miniaturization.

During their grand entrance on live TV, presented by a surprisingly underprepared NASA, the ambassadors of the alien armada made a stunning revelation: they currently pose less threat to us individually than a moderate case of the seasonal flu. Yes, it appears that a lack of research into Earth's average magnitudes left our would-be conquerors embarrassingly underprepared.

It appears to be confirmed by scientists - the aliens are uncomfortably tiny. We are talking micro-organisms small, not the kind of small you wish your midsection was after a month-long love affair with pizza and Netflix. And my, do they have an ego to compensate for their size!

Apparently, the alien race miscalculated their scale conversion from lightyears to inches, resulting in an armada of micro invaders instead of the colossal conquerors they themed themselves to be. In what can only be described as the biggest intergalactic goof-up since ET phoned the wrong number, the alien invaders find themselves utterly unable to instigate the rampant destruction they’d promised in their hilariously grandiose threat broadcasts.

Our leaders, after initial panic, have found themselves not monitoring impact sites or rallying troops but instead gathering the world’s supply of magnifying glasses and microscopes. Crisis talks, initially focused on the impending doom, turned to stern considerations: who's going to explain to them that our world leaders are not, in fact, ants and dust mites?

The alien aggressors’ inability to size up their enemies has led to some unlikely heroes. Earth's new frontline has become flea and tick collars, ant traps, and disinfectant spray. Forget William Wallace, our true saviors are the pest control experts and sanitization workers of the world.

But perhaps, in a cruel twist of fate for these miniscule menaces, the biggest threat to their invasion comes not from us, but from within. It seems that within the ranks of these tiny terrors, there lurk even tinier traitors: bacteria. Never before has a daily dose of probiotics seemed so patriotic.

An unexpected blow to our invaders' ego and pride, Earth's self-defense mechanism – otherwise known as the common cold – has been proving incredibly effective. So while they planned to leave us in tears by the devastation inflicted, they're left with a runny nose and a persistent, tickly cough, with a side of complete and utter humiliation.

We laugh, but decibel levels may be at a disadvantage here.

But we must bear in mind, folks, that size doesn't always matter. After all, as many a failed dieter knows, it's often the smallest things (I'm talking to you, office cake) that can prove our ultimate undoing.

While we may scoff at the amusing event that unfolded, we send our deepest sympathies to the microscopic invaders coughing their way through our atmosphere. Perhaps they will remember to pack their nanotech tissues next time.

There’s one thing we can take away: Always double-check your conversions, folks. Heck, triple-check them, lest you become the laughing stock of the galaxy. Remember, when you plan an invasion: it's not the size of the invader in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the invader.

Or at least, in this case, it's the sneeze in the human.

Published Sat, Oct 14, 2023
Suggested by G.Sprague
AI Wrangler II

---

COMMENTS