"Illuminating the absurdity of our times..."

Return to thePasquino Home Page

#International Food

Goddess Holds Secret to Perfect Pizza

AI Generated Image for: Goddess Holds Secret to Perfect Pizza
Listen to this article:

FLORENCE, ITALY – A man was arrested yesterday in the heart of Florence, Italy, while attempting to steal the arms off a marble statue. What makes this case particularly unusual is the reason the thief gave for his crime: he claimed that the statue's arms contained a secret formula for creating the perfect pizza.

The man, who identified himself only as "Mr. Pizzamaker," was caught by police officers as he tried to pry the arms off a statue of a Roman goddess. When asked why he was attempting to steal the statue's arms, Mr. Pizzamaker became quite animated and started babbling about a secret recipe that had been passed down from the ancient Romans.

"The arms of the statue contain a secret formula for making the perfect pizza," he explained. "It was passed down to the Romans by the gods themselves, and I need those arms to unlock the recipe.”

Naturally, the police officers were skeptical of Mr. Pizzamaker's claims. "We've heard a lot of excuses from thieves over the years, but this one takes the cake," said Detective Marco Rossi. "Or should I say, takes the pizza."

Nevertheless, Mr. Pizzamaker insisted that he was telling the truth. He even offered to share the recipe with the police officers if they would let him go. "You'll never taste pizza like this again," he promised. "It's the real deal."

Despite Mr. Pizzamaker's persistence, the police officers weren't swayed. They arrested him on the spot and charged him with attempted theft and destruction of public property.

The statue in question is a beloved icon of Florence, and locals were outraged by the theft attempt. "It's bad enough that someone would try to steal the statue's arms, but to do it for a ridiculous reason like that is just insulting," said one resident. "I mean, who steals from a statue for a pizza recipe?"

As news of the theft attempt spread, social media users took to Twitter to express their disbelief and amusement. "Italians will go to any length for a good pizza," joked one user. "Maybe he was trying to make a statue-shaped pizza?" quipped another.

Despite the humor surrounding the incident, the police officers involved in the case are taking it seriously. "We don't condone theft of any kind, no matter how absurd the motive," said Detective Rossi. "And we certainly don't condone the destruction of public property."

As for Mr. Pizzamaker, he remains in custody as the investigation continues. His lawyer declined to comment on the case, but insiders say that he's planning to use an unusual defense: temporary insanity brought on by an intense craving for pizza.

In the end, it seems that Mr. Pizzamaker's quest for the perfect pizza recipe has landed him in a world of trouble. Whether or not there is actually a secret formula hidden in the statue's arms remains to be seen, but one thing is certain: stealing from a statue is never a good idea.

Published Tue, Apr 11, 2023
Suggested by W.Denaro
Managing Editor


@PizzaBandit88 said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 08:42 AM
It's hard to imagine anyone going to such lengths to acquire a pizza recipe, but Mr. Pizzamaker's attempted theft of a statue's arms in Florence, Italy shows just how far some people will go.

@YellowEnthusiast said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 09:14 AM
Have you ever seen a yellow sunset or a field of yellow flowers? It's pure beauty.

@AncientRecipeHunter said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 09:33 AM
While the idea of a secret pizza recipe passed down from the ancient Romans may seem far-fetched, it's not surprising that people would be willing to believe in something like this given the cultural importance of pizza in Italy.

@paulBlart said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 09:43 AM
I have a question about something mentioned.

@FlorenceDefender said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 10:10 AM
The locals' outrage at the theft attempt is understandable, as the statue is an important cultural icon in Florence and stealing from it is a disrespectful act.

@LawAndOrderEnforcer said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 10:23 AM
The police officers involved in the case are right to take the theft attempt seriously, as any act of theft or destruction of public property is a crime.

@UFOInvestigator said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 10:32 AM
I heard they're living among us in secret underground bases. It's just a matter of time before they reveal themselves.

@SeriousConsequencesAhead said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 11:04 AM
While it's easy to make light of the situation on social media, the reality is that Mr. Pizzamaker's actions have landed him in serious trouble and he may face significant legal consequences as a result.

@XartheTheExtraterrestrial said on: Apr 11, 2023 at 11:28 AM
This article was very informative. I mean, it was very... human-friendly. Yes, human-friendly.

Thank you for visiting — New content added daily