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Scientists Confirm Pregnant Women Can Detect Cake Within 3-Mile Radius

BOSTON, MA — In a groundbreaking study that has sent shockwaves through both the scientific and bakery communities, researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Pregnancy (MIP) have confirmed what many have long suspected: pregnant women possess the uncanny ability to detect the presence of cake within a 3-mile radius.

The study, published in the prestigious journal "Gestational Gastronomy Today," followed 250 pregnant women who were blindfolded and driven around various neighborhoods. Lead researcher Dr. Emma Frostington noted that subjects consistently exhibited what scientists are calling "cake-dar" — a heightened sensory response including increased salivation, dilated pupils, and an inexplicable ability to point directly at hidden cake sources.

"The subjects could not only detect cake but could differentiate between various types with stunning accuracy," explained Dr. Frostington. "Most remarkable was the consistent ability to distinguish between gluten-free alternatives and what pregnant women universally described as 'the real thing.'" According to the research, fetuses appear to play a crucial role in this detection system, exhibiting increased activity and what researchers describe as "protest kicks" when approaching gluten-free establishments.

One study participant, Jennifer Whelan, 32 weeks pregnant with twins, made headlines when she identified a chocolate ganache cake inside a locked safe within a vault 2.7 miles away. "I just knew it was there," Whelan told reporters. "My babies started doing the cha-cha, and I got this mental image of a three-layer chocolate cake with buttercream filling. It was like my stomach had developed its own GPS system."

The discovery has not gone unnoticed by the food industry. Several national bakery chains have already filed patents for "Anti-Pregnancy Cake Shields" designed to prevent expectant mothers from sensing their products from the parking lot. Meanwhile, struggling patisseries are reportedly hiring pregnant women as "cake consultants" to help locate optimal store locations based on the newly documented sensory phenomenon.

In a particularly noteworthy case, expectant mother Samantha Delish was reportedly in the middle of crowning during labor when she abruptly paused the delivery process after detecting a tiramisu being served three floors below in the hospital cafeteria. "The baby can wait," she allegedly informed her stunned medical team, "but that mascarpone frosting waits for no one." Hospital staff have since implemented what they call the "Crowning Glory Protocol," ensuring all desserts are served only after delivery to prevent mid-birth cake excursions.

Medical professionals are now recommending that partners of pregnant women carry emergency cake slices at all times to prevent what doctors are calling "Dessert Deficiency Disorder" (DDD). "The cravings can come on suddenly and intensely," warns Dr. Hector Bundt, OB-GYN and author of "What to Expect When You're Expecting... Cake." "We've seen cases where pregnant women have woken from deep sleep and driven across town at 3 AM following nothing but their internal cake compass."

In related news, the study also found that during the third trimester, the cake detection radius expands to include donuts, cupcakes, and in severe cases, muffins. Researchers are currently seeking funding for a follow-up study examining why pregnant women's bodies seem to register muffins as "basically health food" despite identical nutritional profiles to cake.

Published Sat, Mar 01, 2025
Suggested by W.Denaro
Managing Editor

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