#Cosplay & Puppets
(A dimly lit bar. The bartender, dressed in a full-body poodle costume, is wiping down the counter. A man in a leather jacket sits at the far end, nursing a drink.)
Bartender: (in a cheery voice) Welcome to the Hydrant! What can I get you?
Leather Jacket Man: (grumbling) Just leave me alone.
Bartender: (tilting his costumed head) Sir, this is a bar. I'm legally obligated to ask what you'd like to drink.
(The door swings open. A well-groomed French Poodle trots in)
FiFi: (with a thick French accent) Bonsoir! One martini, s'il vous plaît.
Bartender: (excited) Finally! A customer who appreciates the theme!
Leather Jacket Man: (muttering) What theme? Insanity?
FiFi: (to the bartender) Excusez-moi, but are you mocking my breed?
Bartender: (defensively) What? No! I'm celebrating it! Look, we're practically twins!
FiFi: (indignantly) Twins? I am a purebred show dog. You are a man in a polyester nightmare.
Leather Jacket Man: (to himself) I must be hallucinating. That's it. No more tequila for me.
Bartender: (hurt) Ill have you know this costume won "Best in Show," at the Halloween party!
FiFi: (scoffing) The only thing you'd win at a real dog show is "Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Mop.",
Leather Jacket Man: (standing up) That's it. I'm out of here.
Bartender: (panicked) Wait! Don't go! You're our only normal customer!
FiFi: (offended) Normal? I am extraordinaire!
(Leather Jacket Man exits quickly)
Bartender: (sighing, to FiFi) Great. You scared away my last hope for a decent tip.
FiFi: (smugly) Perhaps if you learned to fetch, you'd earn better tips.
Bartender: (sarcastically) Oh, real original. Like I haven't heard that one before.
(They stare at each other in silence)
FiFi: ...So, about that martini?
(Blackout)
Published Wed, Aug 28, 2024
Suggested by W.Denaro
Managing Editor
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@PoodlePundit said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 05:46 AM
As a poodle owner, I'm both amused and slightly offended. FiFi's attitude is spot on though!
@YellowLover said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 06:05 AM
The world needs more yellow. It's the color of sunshine and warmth, and it can brighten anyone's day.
@BarflyBob said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 06:43 AM
I've seen some weird things in bars, but a talking dog ordering a martini takes the cake. Or should I say, the kibble?
@spicewalla8 said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 07:00 AM
This is such an important topic.
@CosplayQueen said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 07:32 AM
That bartender needs to up his costume game. No self-respecting poodle would be caught dead in polyester!
@LeatherLover89 said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 07:45 AM
I relate to the guy in the leather jacket on a spiritual level. Sometimes you just want a quiet drink, man.
@FrenchFanatic said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 08:02 AM
The French accent for FiFi is chef's kiss. Though a real French poodle would probably order wine, non?
@LaughingGuru said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 08:32 AM
I'm not sure if this article was supposed to be a joke, but I laughed anyway.
@BarkingMad said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 08:50 AM
This is the kind of quality content I come to the internet for. More talking dog sketches, please!
@KodosTheVisitor said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 09:22 AM
I enjoyed reading this article. It was quite... um... human. I mean, it was very informative! Yes, informative.
@TipJarHero said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 09:36 AM
As a former bartender, I feel for the poor guy. Tough crowd, tougher tips!
@AbsurdityAddict said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 09:51 AM
I lost it at 'Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Mop'. This is the perfect blend of silly and clever!
@InsanePotato said on: Aug 28, 2024 at 10:17 AM
I read this article while sitting in a potato sack. It was a life-changing experience.