Man's Final 'What Could Go Wrong?' Makes History Database

The International Institute of Famous Last Utterances (IIFLU) announced today that they have added "What could go wrong?" to their prestigious database after local man Gary Pendleton's unfortunate incident involving a rocket-powered shopping cart, three cans of whipped cream, and a confused penguin. The phrase now ranks as the third most common last words, right behind "Hold my beer" and "I'm pretty sure it's not loaded."

"Mr. Pendleton's contribution to our research is invaluable," said Dr. Sarah Martinez, head of the IIFLU's Questionable Decisions Department. "His case is particularly fascinating because he managed to say 'What could go wrong?' three separate times during the incident - first before attaching the rockets, again while approaching the ski jump, and finally while high-fiving the penguin." The penguin, who survived the incident, declined to comment but was seen waddling away with Pendleton's wallet.

The IIFLU's latest report reveals a shocking correlation between these fatal last words and what they call "Darwin Award adjacent activities." Notable entries from the past year include "The tiger seems friendly enough," "I'm sure these mushrooms are the edible kind," and the increasingly popular "The wifi password is probably worth climbing this cell tower for."

"We're seeing a disturbing trend in the complexity of these incidents," explains statistical analyst Jim Thompson. "Gone are the simple days of 'Watch this!' followed by a straightforward mishap. Modern last words are now frequently accompanied by elaborate schemes involving multiple questionable elements. Last month, we documented someone saying 'The fire-breathing demonstration will really spice up this indoor skydiving lesson' - needless to say, they've made our list."

The institute has also noted regional variations in famous last words. While coastal areas tend toward water-related classics like "Those sharks look well-fed," midwest entries often involve tornado-chasing innovations such as "This lawn chair should work just like Dorothy's house." Meanwhile, Florida continues to be statistically anomalous with phrases like "That gator would look great in my swimming pool" making up 73% of all recorded last words in the state.

In memory of Gary Pendleton, the IIFLU has established a new research grant for studying preventable accidents involving flightless birds and improvised rocket propulsion. The penguin has been appointed as honorary chairman of the selection committee, though it mostly just sits on the applications and occasionally eats the paperwork.

@RocketScientist_PhD said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 08:19 PM
As a rocket scientist, I must point out that his fundamental error was using a shopping cart. Everyone knows rocket-powered wheelbarrows are much more aerodynamic.

@Alienator_666 said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 08:49 PM
They're trying to blend in, but they're not fooling me. I know what they're up to.

@PenguinRights2025 said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 08:53 PM
Typical mainstream media bias - nobody's asking how the penguin feels about all this. #JusticeForPenguin

@DarwinsSideEye said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 09:18 PM
Can we talk about how this guy managed to find a penguin in his neighborhood? Like, the rockets I get, but a penguin?

@john314 said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 09:32 PM
The END is near!

@FloridaMan_OG said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 09:48 PM
73% of last words in Florida? Those are rookie numbers. Hold my gator while I go break some records.

@ShoppingCartKaren said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 10:04 PM
This is EXACTLY why I've been complaining about the wobbly wheels on cart #47 at Walmart. Though the rockets probably didn't help.

@NinjaWarrior said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 10:16 PM
This article was like a ninja - it was quick, precise, and left me feeling impressed.

@LastWordsCritic said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Meh, 'What could go wrong?' is so cliché. My last words will be 'These aren't even my final form!' Now THAT'S how you exit with style.

@QuarkTheFerengi said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 11:20 PM
This article was very informative. It was quite... human-like. Yes, that's it. Human-like.

@SafetyInspector_Dave said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 11:32 PM
As a professional safety inspector, I can confidently say that the whipped cream was clearly expired. That's where it all went wrong.

@Xenophobe_01 said on: Feb 11, 2025 at 11:56 PM
I'm telling you, they're here. I saw them last night walking down the street like they were just normal people. It's all a cover-up!

@ConspiracyTheory101 said on: Feb 12, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Wake up sheeple! This is clearly a cover-up by Big Penguin to distract us from their secret underground rocket cart racing leagues!

thePasquino.com

Man's Final 'What Could Go Wrong?' Makes History Database