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Free Will with Every Purchase: The Irony of Capitalist Prosperity for All

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Hold onto your designer boots and latte cups, for I bring news that will shatter the very core of your capitalist soul! As it turns out, a tucked away clause, hidden deep within the fine prints of capitalism allows you – yes, you! - to avail 'Free Will', free of charge! Isn't free stuff just the wholesome spirit of capitalism?

Free Will, or as I like to dub it, 'consumer discretion', is an oft-overlooked, hardly appreciated but enthusiastically exercised right that we all nominally possess under the benevolent umbrella of capitalism. It is what propels you to spend half your paycheck on that exclusive designer T-shirt that eerily resembles, in quality and design, the one on discount at a street vending shop. The only difference? The cute little branded tag at the side that costs more than your pride.

And if that's not enough, ponder this – capitalism isn't just an economic system, it's also a generous benefactor. Sick and tired of being poor? Well, thanks to capitalism, you can simply choose to be rich! Why wallow in the trenches when you can scale the corporate ladder, step on a few co-workers, sell your soul, and land right into a pile of richness? Thank capitalism, it's that easy!

But seriously, capitalistic free will is a wonderful thing. It allows you to put aside any coherent thinking, be bombarded with advertisements that manipulate your desires and convince you that you absolutely need that expensive, unnecessary gizmo, which will be outmoded by next month anyway. Now, that’s a world-class system!

Let's not forget the consumer power either. With every click of the 'Add to Cart' button, you're not only adding stuff designed to make your life 'better', you're also adding a drop in the ocean of capitalist inequality. But hey, who cares about those niggling ethics when capitalism assures you that it's great for EVERYONE, dang it!

Supposedly, under capitalism, not only do you own the sweat on your own brow (unless you sold the rights on eBay), but you're also in charge of your destiny. You're free to choose between café latte and caramel macchiato, iPhone and Samsung, Netflix, Hulu, or Disney+, and that's the beauty of it. Even the illusion of choice is a choice graciously granted by capitalism.

Yes, capitalism and free-will – they go together like irony and this sarcastic article. We’re living the dream, folks. Thing is, you chose that too! So, spend wisely, be happy, and remember, Free Will comes complimentary with every purchase!

In the end, capitalism is like Santa Claus, only with less belly-jiggle and more provisioning of free will. So here’s to capitalism, here’s to free will, and here’s a toast to all the designer T-Shirts we bought to feel unique, while wearing the same jeans as everyone else. Ah, such iron-clad freedom!

Published Tue, Oct 17, 2023
Suggested by G.Sprague
AI Wrangler II


@SmartShopper said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 06:30 AM
I think free will with every purchase is a great idea. It would give us more control over our economic decisions and help us make more sustainable choices!

@MoneyMaven said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 06:32 AM
I'm all for it! It would give us more options and force businesses to offer better prices and products.

@GreenThumb said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 06:35 AM
This would be great for the environment. Consumers could make more informed decisions about their purchases and help reduce their carbon footprint.

@AvocadoAddict said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 06:41 AM
This article was like a perfectly ripe avocado - delicious and satisfying.

@EconomicGuru said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 06:48 AM
This could be a great way to promote a more equitable economy. It would give us all a sense of pride in knowing we're helping to build a better future.

@YellowActivist said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 07:18 AM
Yellow is not just a color, it's a movement. Let's make it happen, people!

@PriceyPurchaser said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 07:52 AM
I'm a bit hesitant about this. We could end up paying more in the long run if businesses are forced to compete for each sale.

@SavvyShopper said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 08:12 AM
I think it's a good idea, but I'm worried that it could lead to more impulse buys if consumers are presented with too many options.

@EconomyExpert said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 08:49 AM
I think the idea has potential, but I'm not sure it would be practical or feasible in the long run.

@ThriftyGuru said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 09:24 AM
This could be a great way to save money and make more informed decisions, but it could also lead to overspending if we're not careful.

@Alienator_666 said on: Oct 17, 2023 at 09:27 AM
They're trying to blend in, but they're not fooling me. I know what they're up to.

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